16th April, Mgona

We returned to Mgona today. I … communed with God in this mud brick building with dusty floors. Little children had their heads peeping through the window area and some crowded the doors. In this place where there is nothing visibly beautiful – I communed with God. We talked about the word of God and its wealth in our lives. When I discovered that this was the topic to minister, it was something I tried to get out of. How do you talk about the word to people who hardly have access to bibles? How do we tell them the NEED for the word and the fact that His people perish because of a lack of knowledge? And yet it was the word God gave us and how do we talk about anything other than what God asks us to talk about?

They are growing on us… these people in Mgona. It has only been through this ministry that I have come to have a slight glimpse into family. God can deposit His love for people in us but sometimes it’s so heavy we can barely make it when it comes to parting. Mrs Samuyeli, as always, was present. I have never ministered in Mgona without 10 or so women always being there. I hardly know their names and I wish I did because I love them but I am always meeting people and names are hard to keep. Except it doesn’t really feel right no knowing their names.

For the first time, the men equalled the women and I met yet another two female pastors! Interestingly enough, that’s one more than I have met in the city. God must have a plan that I cannot understand. How do I find myself teaching these awesome people? What do I have to offer? These are people that love God in the midst of such trauma and death and poverty and all kinds of circumstances that poverty brings and yet….

We hand out four bibles but they don’t even scratch the surface. There are about 50 people in the room and one fifth have bibles (ones we have given out previously). That leaves 36 people without the bible. 36 people who go home and I don’t know what they do. 36 people who I carry in my heart heavy and deeply sad. Sometimes even tears don’t help. Sometimes I want to say, ‘let someone else go and deal with the faces of disappointment when you can only hand out so much few bibles.

The word is our only offensive weapon. Otherwise all we do is defend ourselves. The sword of the spirit which is the word of God. This is one of those days when the burden is a little too heavy. That must mean I am carrying something I should have handed over to Jesus. Ah well.